Who needs help with elder care?
by Nancy Wexler
We all get old. This is not an extraordinary observation, yet it's a powerful fact which, at least some time in our lives, we all deny. And sooner or later, we will all need some help with daily living.The difficulties confronting a family that takes care of an elderly relative are daunting and can be frightening. For instance . . .
You realize that your parents need assistance with the chores of daily living. Should you hire a part-time or full-time companion or home health aide? Can you afford it? And how do you find one who is trustworthy?
What if your parents absolutely refuse to accept a stranger in their home, and insist on receiving help only from you? Can you afford to quit your job? How will your own family accept this major disruption in their lives?
What if your parents live hundreds or thousands of miles away? You might try to fly home once a month, to look in on the. You'd certainly earn a lot of frequent flyer miles, but what would theses visits really accomplish, except leaving you with terminal jet lag and an empty bank account? Short visits aren't useful enough for parents who need daily care.
You can try to convince your parents to more near you, but where? Should they move into your home . . . assuming you have the space your family agrees, and you can live with them on a daily basis? These are large assumptions.
What if your spouse and children start to resent all the time you spend helping your parents? Will you argue with them? . . . Probably. Cry? . . . In all likelihood. Pray? . . . If you are a believer, that's certainly a rational act.
Should your parents move into senior citizen housing, where they'll be on their own, just as they are now? Or a retirement hotel? A board and care facility? A nursing home?
For help in dealing with these and other issues, contact us
Copyright Nancy Wexler 1996, 1998.